Has anyone seen my motivation? And not just a specific motivation to write here, but to do the laundry or clean the house. I seem to have lost motivation for general life. I would like to just sit here in front of the computer and look at cat pictures, read twitter or just sack out on the couch and watch TV shows or movies. What’s up with that? Is it my depression rearing its ugly head again? Damn, I hope not.
There was a time that I had a decent run (pun inteneded) when I had cut down on drinking of the beers and was actually running(?). I know, right? My joke to people who ran was always, “Were you being chased?” But besides that, though, I’m not sure I did anything else productive. I’m a stay at home dad (who actually needs a part time job…anyone?) fer Pete’s sake! When the older is at school and the younger one is at pre-school I should be doing stuff, right? Not only my Domestic Goddessly duties but something creative with my time. Alas, the motivation to do so is not there. I feel like a failure in the Stay at Home Dad area. Unless, the job description is to be a slug and get stuff done only when there is a dire need for clean clothes or someone is coming over to the house. In that case, NAILED IT.
All right, I’m going to go look under the couch cushions for this motivation . . . [C’MON BRAIN! NOT. HELPING.]
I made the realization the other day, as I was preparing a grilled shrimp over black bean and corn salad for the farm adventure, that I really miss cooking and baking. The Elder Extroverted Holy One and I used to cook a lot before the Young Extroverted One made herself known. When we were doing the vegetarian thing (up until the polish sausage incident during pregnancy) we made some extravagant meals. Heck, I used to bake bread every week!
I’m not blaming the YEO for our lack of homecooked meals. It’s just that now the dynamics are a little different. In order for a more reasonable bedtime we need to have dinner at a certain time. And I am usually wiped out from work. That leaves the EEHO, who is usually wiped out from schoolin’, picking up the YEO and keeping her entertained with snacks and whatever else fits her fancy at the time. So, lately it’s been boxed prepared meals and Schwan’s(which is surpisingly good, by the way).
You see, I’m just a little more domestic than the EEHO. If I were a stay-at-home dad like I was for YEO’s first year of life I’d be all domesticated. The dishes would be done, laundry washed, dried and folded and our house would be clean (either that or I’d be wearing pearls, drinking wine, watching soaps and eating bon-bons. Hmmm . . . that sounds kind of cool too). Of course, in order for our house to be clean I would have to shave our two dogs and two cats but I’m up for that!
I guess I find some sort of meditative properties in the acts of domesticity. Kind of Zen and the Art of Archery but I wouldn’t be shooting stuff. It’s the process of prepping ingredients that go in to a meal or washing dishes by hand or even folding laundry. All of these activities seem to center me. It just seems I can find more meaning (?) in these things that I can do for my family and friends than I can in hanging chain motors, wrapping truss and raising said truss to show height for a Wal-Mart corporate gig.
I guess the EEHO needs to find some wealthy church to pay her so she can support my homely habits of housekeeping.